The transformative power of safety within the therapeutic relationship
Therapy is a safe place. It takes time to develop this safety, but its benefits directly impact life outside of therapy.
Walking into a therapist’s office for the first time can be nerve wracking. Talking to a stranger about emotions and uncovering trauma, hardships, and pain can feel intimidating and unsafe. It can trigger thoughts and emotions that people keep hidden away, well below the level of conscious awareness. It is the development of a secure bond between a therapist and client that eventually makes the therapeutic space a safe place or “safe space” that allows the work of therapy to flourish.
Every person brings their history of relationships, including those in which they have felt criticized, judged, or betrayed, to their therapy sessions. A history of difficult relationships with a parent, boss or a significant other also can make even the relationship between therapist and client feel threatening or unsafe. The anxiety and fear that may emerge as a result can affect what goes on during the therapeutic hour and take time to work through so that the client reaches a point in which they feel truly safe.
A safe space as it relates to psychotherapy is much more than confidentiality, rights to privacy, and a caring, empathic therapist. The power of a mutually-created safe space by therapist and client has major implications on the course of therapy and its effectiveness in the client’s life. What exactly is a safe space if not just confidentiality and privacy? At its core, it’s an intangible bond between the therapist and client that promotes trust, security, reliability, dependability, consistency, error and repair. It’s a bond that allows the client to access their deepest fears and darkest thoughts without shutting down in fear of rejection or judgement. It’s unique in the sense that it’s a relationship in which one party completely accepts the other person’s fears, flaws, anxieties, insecurities, and validates all of what makes that person whole.
Unbeknownst to many people who enter therapy, the development of a safe therapeutic relationship largely depends on the therapeutic frame; that is, the physical and non-physical aspects that make up therapy. The four walls of an office, for example, a literal frame, keep conversations between therapist and client private, ensuring confidentiality. The ethical code and laws that regulate licensed professionals also ensure confidentiality and best standardized practices. The timing of a weekly 50-minute session agreed upon between the therapist and client guarantees reliability, dependability, and consistency; three things that many people lack in their daily lives that can contribute to emotional distress.
Perhaps the most influential part of therapy is when things go wrong between the therapist and client. After all, therapists are human just like their clients, and they make mistakes or misinterpret or forget a certain detail from sessions past. When both the therapist and client can be open and honest about their feelings related to the therapy and each other, including doubts and disappointments, there exists a valuable opportunity for connection and growth. If, for example, a client feels hurt by a mistake the therapist made unintentionally and tells the therapist about it, it’s important that the therapist acknowledge the mistake and apologize. The client will eventually learn that his or her anger will not destroy the therapist or end the relationship. The openness and honesty that is yielded through this communication can strengthen the safety of the therapeutic relationship. It can prove the relationship’s resilience, foster healing from painful relationships from one’s past, and encourage change in a client’s life outside of therapy.
Originally written for and published by Allison Stein, LCSW on www.ccns.org
